Why do pencils have erasers?

The truth is no one is perfect and we don’t always have it all together. Nor do I think we need to. We all struggle at times and what I think we struggle with most is to be brave enough to admit it. Or admit when we don’t know something or that we are a little messy inside and out.

Most people want to feel accomplished and achieve great things. We want to get it right and do the right thing. But , unfortunately we worry about looking right in the process. We have a desire to do good and have people like and respect us. We want to be recognized in one form or another for our achievements and we especially want to be recognized for our efforts. And when life doesn’t go the way we planned it can cause some angst.

The goal is to strive for excellence in what we do - not perfection. We should look to be better than who we were yesterday rather than feel we need to be perfect.

The funny thing is no one thinks they are on a quest for perfection. Who would really want that anyway? Perfection is defined as an absence of flaws and defects. We all surely have flaws and defects. Yet we are so afraid to let others see them.

We all have our days where we feel overwhelmed, anxious, not put together or confident. We may even fear others will see us as an imposter! And so what do we do? We spend all our energy pretending and hiding the fact that we are human instead of admitting we don’t have all the answers.

Why do we think we should have all the answers? Imagine if we knew everything? What would we have left to learn? How would we grow? Why do we struggle to admit we don’t know what to do next or to admit our shortcomings or flaws? And when we feel this insecurity in our leadership journey it can cause incredible anxiety. Our negative self-talk goes into overdrive. We tell ourselves that there is no room for authenticity in leadership and instead convince ourselves we have to have all the answers and be a super hero and create amazing results all while never breaking a sweat or a smile.

We focus on the outward images of leadership and convince ourselves that leaders are inspiring, intelligent and capable and never insecure, unorganized or late for something! Who wants to follow a hot mess? Right? With thoughts like this we create a false sense of reality and our insecurities go into overdrive and we think we can’t show up less than perfect in our lives, so we work extra hard to put on another image and challenge ourselves with keeping this dirty little secret.

Here’s a newsflash for you….it is no secret. You’re not fooling anyone! We are all imperfect and messy in ways and at times and so we can all smell struggle when it shows up. Even on you. Pretending to have it all together all the time is EXHAUSTING and a waste of time. Not to mention all of the growth opportunities we are short changing ourselves when we don’t raise our hand and say “Pardon me, I don’t know” or “I am not sure” or “Please help me”.

You are stunting your own growth when you do that because you keep yourself from learning and connecting with other people who can relate and share the resources and information you need to level up. We miss the opportunity to grow other leaders when we hide the fact that we are overwhelmed and don’t admit it and ask for help. And we are diminishing our own effectiveness because we are spending more time and energy juggling all the balls and pretending, we are doing an amazing high level perfect job instead of showing we are human. 

People want real. Others want to see and know real not perfect. That transparency leads to genuine relationships, mutual respect and trust. Wouldn’t you rather follow a leader who is real than one who is always trying to look and sound right?

So why do we struggle so much with admitting our own challenges? Is it pride? Is it fear? I also believe for a lot of us, we set the bar too high for ourselves and then berate ourselves when we don’t accomplish the goals. We put extraordinary pressure on ourselves to perform at such a high level that we set ourselves up to fail before we start. We see other people’s success and try to compete. However, we seldom take the time to look at how they got there. I assure you it was not easy or without struggle. It was probably a messy journey full of mistakes and self-doubt. That is real and that is how most successful people would describe their journey to success.

My loved ones there is freedom in admitting our messiness. When we allow ourselves to be human and make mistakes or show up not having all the answers, we avoid the self-inflicted pressure that keeps us from learning and growing and failing forward on our way to being our best. It is motivating to dream big and set goals that stretch us. But it is something entirely different when we create irrational desires to be perfect or hide our mistakes.

Setting impossible standards for ourselves will surely set us up for failure. And we fail not because we are not capable of great things or figuring things out, but we will fail because of the pressure we put on ourselves and the fact that our expectations of ourselves is not rational. Then we beat ourselves up and become an inner critic of ourselves.

Perfectionism is a dangerous state of mind and often leads to self-criticism. So let’s stop the crazy! What is the antidote for perfectionism? It’s a cocktail of self-love, compassion for ourselves and vulnerability.

“Those who have a strong sense of love and belonging have the courage to be imperfect”

I think it is also taking the time to understand our own strengths and weaknesses. Working with a coach can help you really understand how to master your strengths and accept your weaknesses. When we work in our strength zone and adopt a growth mindset we are open to possibility and opportunity. Knowing that asking questions and admitting you don’t have all the answers will allow you to grow way behind the limits of your own mind.

And when we stand up and say “Hi, my name is Anna and I am hot mess (and by the way so are you)” we give permission for all of us to show up as nothing less than our authentic self. And that is what the world needs more of…real leaders who want to roll up their sleeves and figure it out and show their imperfections and insecurities. Leaders who are embracing their humanness and therefore encourage all of us to seek growth and learning in all that we do.